1. Not having any windows. Seeing the light of day for 12 months out of the year is super overrated.
2. Staying healthy. I almost never get sick when someone pukes 12 feet from my desk in a triple sealed-off, inner corridor office with zero ventilation.
3. Having the automatic toilets flush under you, the entire time you go to the bathroom. Ohh 2-in-1 toilet/bidet combo, very efficient.
4. Protesters. Thank you for reminding us we work in "A Killing Machine"-- many people have died of paper cuts from my memos and staff actions.
5. $9 fruit salads. I didn't have actual use for my paycheck anyways.
6. People sleeping in the courtyard. You deserve that break--your job seems super important.
7. Government-issued supplies. The only folder color I wanted was blue; you read my mind.
8. Seeing old men in micro PT shorts on the treadmill. I love running with my eyes closed for 45 minutes while I pray nothing slips out your left leg hole.
9. Machine guns. Nothing says "good morning" like a cup o' joe and a fully loaded AK-47 in your face.
10. Newly polished marble floors (with ramps)! Makes walking in heels like rollerblading and rollerblading is fun.